If only I had listened to my intuition, I could have saved myself and my cat Billy so much angst and exasperation.
Oops, that’s not quite true. If only I had listened to my cat Billy to begin with, instead of going into my brain and rationalizing, life would have been so much easier.
Setting the Scene
Recently Billy went in for a senior wellness check at a new vet and did not get a clean bill of health. You can read the story here. As a result of the checkup, Billy has been working remotely with a kinesiologist, Sherri Cleveland, whom he dearly loves. Sherri has suggested a regime of supplements and dietary changes that is easy to keep up with. As far as the dietary changes, Billy is now inhaling his food.
The vet wanted to check Billy’s blood pressure and do another blood test in a month’s time. Because of how well Billy was doing I was ambivalent about scheduling this appointment with the vet, so I checked in with Billy to see if he thought this was necessary and would be helpful. Billy gave a resounding ‘NO’. End of subject, no more talking. He even walked out of the room, a clear sign the subject was closed.
Well, how can you believe a cat who doesn’t like going to the vet to begin with. So I tuned into Billy’s dear friend, my Angel Cat Scheisters and asked for his advice.
Scheisters agreed with Billy, he told me the vet check was not necessary, nothing new would be learned.
While I knew to the depth of my heart that what both Billy and Scheisters were saying was true, there was a part of me that was afraid to accept what they were saying.
Diving Into Rationalization
My mind began to rationalize. Of course I absolutely believed what Billy and Scheisters were telling me, but it wouldn’t hurt, would it, to set up a vet appointment. Just to see what the numbers said, just to get another opinion. What could it hurt to get another opinion? I rationalized that was more information I would be able to share with Sherri at Billy’s next appointment with her. What would that hurt? The more information the better, right?
The vet appointment was set. When it came time to leave, Billy took off, yowling and hiding under the bed. I could see him, but I couldn’t reach him. When I would get close enough to almost be able to reach him, he would shift out of my grasp. I finally ended up moving the bed to get to him.
Billy yowled the entire way to the vet’s office. I didnt think it was possible, but the volume increased when we walked into the office.
We were led into the exam room, doors were shut. It was HOT in there, no air conditioning, no fans. The room temp was 92 degrees, I opened the door to get the air moving. We waited, waited and waited. I finally asked the receptionist when we could expect the vet, and the receptionist said she would let me know. Nothing was said about an emergency or the need to reschedule the appointment.
The longer we waited, the more Billy yowled and the guiltier I felt. It was not a pleasant experience, to say the least.
When we got home, Billy ran off and hid – who can blame him. It took him almost 8 hours to begin to forgive me my part in the experience.
Learning To Trust My Intuition
Billy is the one with whom I most experience bad mom syndrome. It’s not that I’m a bad mom, it’s that I am still learning to listen to him, especially in situations where I feel scared and intimidated.
Even though I work with my own intuition regularly and make a living helping my non-human and human clients through intuition, there is the constant invitation to take that next step into trusting and accepting the information I receive.
Mostly it’s easy to do, but sometimes it’s like being hit on the head with a 2×4. It’s not so easy when I feel the information I’m receiving could put one of my beloved family members at risk.
Distressed, blaming others and on a cascading Catch-22 of guilt, shame and self flagellation, I finally reached out to my mentor and teacher, Modern Shaman Kelley Harrell. Kelley’s wisdom helped, opening my eyes to a different way to respond to the experience.
“In the world of shamanism, intuition is that component that stays raw and evolving….and wild. And it’s never wrong. But life happens …… and you find yourself pushed into corners in such a way that you have to make choices based on the here and now. And who knows, if you had reached out and made a different decision and jumped into the void, maybe something would have leaped out and caught you, because it usually does. Part of bringing intuition into an everyday practice is not beating yourself up when it doesn’t flow the way you think it should, or life doesn’t rise up to meet the intuition in a way that adds up……When you are making a decision on behalf of someone else. you have to make the decisions you have to make. And then the immediate next part of intuition is not poking yourself repeatedly because you didn’t do what the first instinct said you should.”
Words of comfort, yes, but even more Kelley’s words showed me it’s possible to make mistakes and still be kind to yourself. Just like learning to work with anything else, learning to trust and follow through with your intuition takes time and practice. There is always the next step to take, the next lesson to learn, the next part to digest and integrate into your life.
It also takes patience. It takes being aware that patience doesn’t mean controlling the situation, but developing peace of mind as you’re navigating through the situation.
Intuition is practiced and developed one step at a time, one vet visit at a time.
Here’s To New Beginnings,